Closit Light Reveals Leahs Hidden Corpse(s)

Recently, I have struggled with something that, might seem incredibly silly to you.
I couldnt figure out "how" to Love God...you might< be thinking "whats not to love?"
and I fullheartedly agree with that...however this was deeper than even I acknowledged. my heart was full. But it was too full, of sin and things that needed dealing with, to have room for God. You see...I thought I had in someway failed to love God fully, and I had. But it wasnt through thinking, attempting, caniving, and repositioning that I could in any means "gain" that reciprical love for God. You see...this story...my story...goes much farther back...

Once upon a time, I was six. As a six year old, I was rather innocent and liked especially to go off in my own dream worlds and create imaginary friends. However something happened to me when I was six that though I didnt realize it, would hold me captive for the next 14 years of my life. I was molested. A young man 18/21 molested me, even though it was only once, it damaged how I saw myself. I saw myself as dirty....and that is the name tag that was branded on my heart (by no other means than myself) "dirty" & "ugly". I wanted to forget it happened, so I pushed it aside and dreamed away the reality of the situation. Until I was much older and it seemed as if a dream...hardly real. But it affected me...it perverted my mind. It caused me to commit sin after sin. I was hurting myself, because somehow, though i tried to forget, I was still that filthy girl. That worthless girl. I never admitted my sins committed all up until this point, today. to anyone, until yesterday. I wrote down every disgusting filthy word of it and gave it to my deepest closest friends. I told things, I never thought I could or would tell! I mean, what would people think of me? would they ever be my friend agian? But you know what? They are all supportive of me...they are all going to be there for me and help me fight the sin in my life! Its emberressing and hard to admit my sins. But if you want to know, you can always ask me. Im not afraid anymore. Because I am gaining ground and concuring them now, with my sisters helping me. But the semi conclusion of this is to say, I now realize that I have been forgiven, that God never wanted me to hold that false brand of "dirty and ugly" on my heart! He already branded me, he branded me "beautiful"!! and that is who I am, that is what he created me to be! The shame of sin just makes you feel disgusting, it makes you want nothing but to forget it, so that it "wont do any harm" if its locked in a dark closet, its gone right? wrong. It will always scratch at the door, it will be found out. But we dont have to wait for someone to open the door, we can pull the sin out and have it locked away for good. Its the hardest thing to speak about it though. But once you do, wow. I could fly :)

Turn the light on in you closet!!! kill everything thats trying to kill you, by covering you in shame, suffocating you!!!!! Find people you can talk to!!! Get it out!!! Take it from someone who is finally being set free, its well worth the hard parts, to get to the good. Talk to me anytime, I am fully ready to share my testimony, all the nitty gritty too if you want. Because I am not allowing sin to rule me, to push me into the dark, or hold back any good thing God wants to do in and through my life!!!!

I AM FREE.